I have had an evasive feeling of late – in a good and pleasing way. Evasive in the deep, shadowy depths of my inner being. Feelings of joy, contentment, and peace that I cannot put into words.
The feelings of joy hover and flit like butterflies in springtime. I cannot capture them, yet they are all around me as I move through my days. There is the joy of seeing piglets born. Joy in multi-colored chicken eggs filling a basket once again as spring inches closer each day. Joy in the purr of a cat curled at my side as I drift off to sleep. Joy in the prancing antics of a spoiled cow as he awaits his morning hay and grain. Joy while sitting in the hay with piglets who are intent on nibbling every last protruding object off your coat, boots, and jeans. Joy in the glow of the warm, crackling fire in the woodstove that pushes back against the cold and damp air that chills your bones. Joy in spending the days teaching our daughter life skills, history, math, science, animal care – knowing she is safe and happy. Joy in baking, cooking, and laundry that whispers, “You are blessed to have a family to care for.” Joy in visiting our neighbor’s baby goats and witnessing their immature antics. Joy in having family close by to love. Joy in living.
Contentment has settled deep within my heart of hearts. Contentment in a quiet life where nature surrounds me. Contentment in the daily routine of chores and school. Contentment with all the Lord has so graciously blessed me with. Contentment is not something I take for granted – it does not belong to those who rush through life. It belongs to those who are able to slow down and savor the beauty that God created on this earth. I am content with my place in this world.
Peace that passes all understanding. Peace that no matter what happens in this broken and hurting world, my God is on His throne and nothing can touch me without His permission. Peace that He is bigger than all the evil and corruption that has infiltrated our world, our country, and our communities. Peace that soothes and comforts every day as I walk this journey of life.
I doubt I have expressed this sometimes overwhelming feeling well. It grips my heart and dances away quickly before I can fully appreciate or express it. I do hope, however, that you have caught a glimpse of the inner workings of my heart – a heart that is on the farm with my family and bound to the land that we call home.